feeling depressed...

12:25 p.m. - 2004-02-29

So I’m feeling a little depressed today. No real reason really, just the usual things. The situation that I have with Karen has probably got me the most bummed. Get this, we broke up a year and a half ago and I’m still trying to deal with it. The break-up itself was pretty quick – I was feeling that she wasn’t putting much effort into the relationship any more, and that it seemed that she stopped caring. We talked about it for a bit and the next thing I knew we were broken up. I chatted with her a couple times on the phone and the odd time over email but that was about it. Just around Christmas time I gave her a call to wish her a Merry Christmas and maybe meet for coffee or something (stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid). She said perhaps after Christmas. Anyways, in January she sent me an email asking if I’d like to go skiing the following weekend – being the doorknob that I am I said for sure. We ended up going skiing, then went for sushi, and then rented “the Two Towers”. To tell you the truth I had a fantastic time and it was REALLY good to see her again. The sad part about it however was that I still have feelings for her, and I know they’re different feelings then what she has for me. We ended up spending another Sunday together driving around Toronto looking for condo’s (aka. I’m on the search for condo’s right now…) and again, I had a great time just being with her. Since then there has been very little contact and it’s starting to drive me crazy again. I don’t know why this girl has such a hold on me. I think part of it has to do that I didn’t get any closure whatsoever when we broke up – and to be honest, I’ve never really been dumped so it’s been the first time I’ve had to deal with it. I don’t know what to do – so now I’m just in pain trying to deal with it like I was a year and a half ago. I also got the feeling that the reason she called me up in the first place was because she got dissed by another guy. Life stinks sometimes.

I’m also sort of looking forward and not looking forward to seeing Julia in London when I go overseas for St.Patties day. I also have a bit of a crush on her and I know that nothing will happen – again, it’s just another situation where someone feels more than the other person. It hurts like hell and I really don’t want to deal with it. Strangely enough I really only spent on total about a month with Julia, so it’s hard to fully get to know them in such a short period of time. Plus, it’s the heart’s tendency to try to look for love, even when there is no realistic possibility of it occurring. I’m almost afraid to go “party” with Jules and realize that she has a boyfriend or something in the UK – oh great, that’ll make my trip. Even though it is TOTALLY unfair for me to think badly of that…funny, eh?

I’m also kind of disappointed with the internet right now. I’ve been talking to a couple girls lately and it’s starting to piss me off. There’s one girl that I’ve been off and on talking to for a couple months – she’s a great girl but she seems to like me one day, and then hate me the next – for god’s sake make up your mind, no one really deserves to be screwed around with like that. I think a big problem is that she’s also been hurt pretty bad so it makes any relationship in the future pretty much doomed. She really is a sweetheart though, she’s just determined to be bitter sometimes. We had a date scheduled for this weekend but as usual, it didn’t happen, welcome to my life.

On a bright note, there’s a cute aussie that I get to talk with pretty much daily – we seem really similar so it makes chatting really easy. I love a girl with a sense of humour :). Of course, she lives in Australia….what can ya do, eh?

If anyone can cheer me up this weekend…please do!!

"If you don't like what I say fuck off, who cares, no one really likes you anyway"

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