don't take off your mask!

2:14 p.m. - 2004-02-27

Every day at about 3:30 on my way home from work, I listen to a radio station called mojo 640. The station itself is called “talk radio for guys” but there are quite a few women that listen and call in as well - probably because guys are funny and do stupid things. The talk host at this time is Mike Stafford (who I find incredibly funny) and brings up subjects that puzzle the world of guys and asks the radio audience to call in and comment on the subject of the day. Usually what he does is bring something weird from the world of news and uses that as a spring board for discussion. A couple days ago the topic of discussion was embarrassing moments when being dumped - or specifically how both mean girls and guys can be when they’re dumping their partner. Here’s what brought on this conversation:

I’m sure we’ve all seen or heard of all the various types of romantic proposals that some guys like to do. There’s the hide the ring in a fortune cookie, put a huge sign out of hot air balloons, pee “will you marry me” in the snow…u know...the usual. Well, during an NBA basketball game (I believe it was Indiana) a guy wanted to propose to his girlfriend on national television. This of course is not the most unusual of marriage proposals, we’ve definitely seen it before - of course, this one had a bit of a twist. If you’ve ever been to an NBA game you’re probably aware that the halftime show is almost as good as the game itself. Usually the cheerleaders come out and dance or they’ll have a little competition or game for some lucky people in the audience and a bunch of prizes will be given out (I personally like the one where they line up the competitors and they race to a number of “bats” where they put their nose on and turn around 3 times and then run back - it’s hilarious - I saw one guy actually take out a couple spectators...heheee). Anyways, the competition during this game was that a lucky audience member was blindfolded and was told to go find the mascot - using Hot or Cold signals from the people in the stadium. Now, the guy had set it up so his girlfriend was picked as the lucky audience member to find the mascot - how sweet :). The girl puts on the blindfold and after enough coaching from the audience finds the mascot - woohoo! She takes of the blind fold and as she’s getting her prize, the mascot takes off his head and drops to one knee - of course this was her boyfriend. Everyone in the audience realizes what’s going on and they start to cheer - the girl however does probably the meanest thing you could do. She bolted across the floor, into the tunnel, and eventually out of the stadium! The funny part was that the big screen said “She said No!” on it - I guess the crowd starting booing and throwing things :). Here’s the thing, if you’re a girl, and the guy has made such an effort to make this moment special for you, for the love of god, don’t reject him in front of thousands. He’s pouring his heart out and you rip it up like it was nothing - this guy is probably permanently scarred for life. All you need to do is say yes, but then talk after. Then you can work things out later. What this chick did made me pretty mad. The funny thing is, she’s probably the type to get pissed off if a guy doesn’t put the effort into proposing. The guy probably meant something to you if he thought you were both ready for marriage - unbelievable! It’s kind of funny, when I was with Karen I could have seen something like this happen to me - not like I was going to propose or anything, but I could see her dropping me like a sack of bricks in front of thousands…just a feeling I guess…lol.

I can remember when I was in grade 8, I actually went out with the prettiest and most popular girl in the school…for a day. That’s right, just a day. We were from completely different worlds but she thought I was cute, and I thought she was cute as well - so I wrote her a note asking her to go out with me. She accepted and whattya know - we’re going out. My whole grade was pretty shocked by it really - I was the guy that played baseball or ball hockey at recess and lunch, and I definitely didn’t hang out with the cool kids. I think I spent one uncomfortable recess with her friends and that was that. I got a note the next day saying that we should just be friends - too funny! It was exciting and a little embarrassing - my friends thought I was “the man” though, so it was all good.

I remember another time (not so long ago), when I actually had a crush on a girl at work. It was nothing major but she was cute and we were both interested (or so it seemed) so we decided to go to a movie sometime. We met at the movie theatre and decided what to watch from there. So here, I am…I pull into the theatre walk up to the foyer and I see her…AND another guy beside her. I walk up and start chatting - this is when she introduces her ex-boyfriend. She says, “oh, I hope you don’t mind if Gary comes, he was looking for something to do tonight”. I had to spend about two hours with them as they flirted with each other and even held hands when they left the theatre. I told my buddies this and they told me that she must not have thought it was a date. Well here’s another secret ladies, when I guy goes up to you and says “hey, would you like to check out the new movie on Friday”. He means that he wants to see the movie with YOU, not your EX, YOU. And believe it or not, it’s a DATE - get it through your skull! If anyone wonders why I’m so jaded when it comes to love - you’re probably getting a good idea now :). I’m sure this will all seem pretty funny when I’m old and grey.

You can also extend this conversation to how you turn down a guy, or how do you tell them you’re not interested. My usual technique, if it’s someone I just met, I usually use the “Sorry, but I’m sort of seeing someone right now” (ummm...yeah…seeing myself in the mirror maybe…lol...as long as it’s not you!). I’ve also used the “just be friends”, “I’m gay”, “dying of cancer” and the ever popular “my hand got stuck in the coke machine so I can’t go out tonight”. My brother had a girlfriend that told him she used to say that she was “washing her hair” - which I find hilarious. The funny part was that my bro said that she was serious! She had long hair but geeez, we live in the 21’st century, get a blow dryer :). I think the meanest thing I’ve done was back in highschool, there was a girl that had a huge crush on me (which wasn’t unusual) and she asked me to dance during “November Rain” by Guns n Roses. I wasn’t bright enough to think of something clever to turn her down so I had to dance with her. If you remember NR it has a slow part, then a fast part, and then a slow part - it’s pretty long. After the first slow part I was so anxious to leave that I didn’t realize the song wasn’t over so I left and went to the cafeteria. I grabbed a pop and when I came back the song was still on and she was crying in the corner with her friends whom were giving me dirty looks. I was pretty embarrassed - I didn’t mean to do it but it was too late to go back and dance. I spent the rest of the night hanging out with my friends trying to hide from her - gotta love the politics eh? I guess the moral of the story is, if your gut tells you that you’re going to get dumped, or turned down, or walked away from in the middle of a Guns n Roses song, don’t take off your mask! :)

"If you don't like what I say fuck off, who cares, no one really likes you anyway"

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