Here I am

9:33 p.m. - 2004-02-17

Well, here I am. Welcome to my first Diary entry...ever. I figured I might as well start this up considering that I end up either frustrated about the little things in my life or complaining to others - might as well complain to a computer..they don't talk back and give me grief. Usually.

Alright, lets give some background information. I'm a 27 year old single nuclear engineer living in the great 'ol town of Whitby, Canada. I own a small business with my dad and brother and I work at a nuclear plant down the road from where I live. I love "both" of my jobs and have aspirations to conquer the world someday. I just need more time :). I'm extremely active and I love to play hockey, karate, guitar, flying, etc.. Kinda hard to summarize everything in one sitting so I'll stop now. Ask if you want to know details.

I figure everything in my life is pretty much perfect except when it comes down to relationships. I hate them..no, I love them..no wait..I HATE them!! Most people worry about so much in life...all I seem to worry about are girls. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I have a problem meeting them - I've probably dated whole football teams in the past 2 yrs. However, I seem to only like 1 or 2 of them...and of course, I always get crushed. I'm really starting to believe that I'll never find the right girl...I have a nightmare of settling for someone when I'm around 37 just because I'm lonely and pathetic and want kids. meh. I've probably had 3 "real" relationships in my life...but I've dated more than that. See below:

Melissa - my first ever girlfriend. We dated for about 4.5 years back when I was in highschool and for a couple years in University. I probably couldn't ask for much more of a first ever girlfriend. She had a big heart...but she liked to talk WAY too much. She was also way too self involved (aren't we all?) and at times could make a soccer ball seem bright. It was great but it ended..my doing completely..we're still friends which is great. Ironically, she's engaged to the "rebound" guy that she met after I dumped her...you could say I helped her out :). She has been the only girl in my life that I've ever said "I love you" to...which is pretty big in my books.

Danica - I guess you could call her my second girlfriend. We dated for about 6 months at the end of university. She was a nymphomaniac...which was fun at times (probably caused by my ability in the sack). Although I never thought I'd get sick of sex..I did! Either way she wasn't aggressive enough outside the bedroom or intriguing enough to keep around. Oh well...what can ya do. I haven't talked to her since. She also married the rebound guy after me - come to think of it I'm probably a good guy to date if you want to meet your future hubby...lol.

So far so good...no real broken hearts...lots of trials and tribulations...but nothing major.

Karen - Now here comes a chick that STILL gives me grief. Let's just say that we dated for about 5-6 months..I was madly in love with her...and she would probably pick me second last if she was picking a baseball squad..right before the little nerdy kid that can't see straight. I would have given her my right arm if she asked for it (probably still would). The funny thing is that it was easily the best relationship that I've been in. We never fought..always had fun...did lots of cool stuff..but in the end it didn't matter. The funny thing is, 99% of the time we're always trying to look for something better...always trying to upgrade. I'm the same way - so I know how Karen felt. Someone is always going to get hurt. With Karen I feel pain EVERY time I think about her...and we broke up well over a year ago...how's that for torture, eh?

The only other girl since then that really meant a lot to me is a girl from New Zealand - Julia. I met her on a trip to europe at the end of May 2003. We became a little more than good friends on the trip and we still keep in contact. She lives and works in London, England right now..kinda far to get emotional. Although,I made a silly trip to London last year to visit some Aussie friends and her as well. The sad thing is that we made the decision that "friends" are all we can be (mainly her decision...). So what can you do?? Like I say, when it comes to relationships...I suck at them.

I think my main problem is that I can draw really nice girls in (aka. attractive, smart, etc.) and they almost believe that I'm their dream guy. Then reality sets in and they realise that I have the same flaws that the rest of mankind has..i.e. fantasy = gone, and I'm back to the crying game :P.

Anyways, I'll keep you posted...it's a neverending drama with me.

"If you don't like what I say fuck off, who cares, no one really likes you anyway"

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